As you all know (or even if you don’t) – my butt has gotten big since I started working full time at home on the computer.
::Ponders whether she should go further with this post or not::
Oh hell…why not?
I’ve tried many things to slim and tone my new found J-Lo Booty. Not that it was ever been tiny in the first place. My brother always called me “Out Grow” when we were kids. He said my butt looked like some kind of overgrowth on my backside. He said it would be a nice place to set a potted plant when I got older. (Yeah…he’s a dork….a mean dork at that.) And can I just say for the record…..my brother has a mole by his left nipple that makes him look like he has three nipples. It’s very disturbing. I think he’s an alien. (Did’ja hear that bro….I called you out on my blog. You three ‘boobed’ lookin BOOB!)
Anyway….back to the LARGER, more pressing matter of my butt.
As a work at home mom….you may find that your once, slim and shapely rear view is storing some junk in the trunk these days. Of course, pregnancy didn’t help matters. Along with the sleep deprivation hell that your life becomes with infants….and then the Terrible Twos….then it’s separation anxiety with pre-school…then they are off to kindergarten where the 5 and 6 year old girls act like 16-17 year old girls (and when did that all start???) And the little boys are getting check marks each day because God forbid they wiggle in their seat or talk….
Anyway….
A lot of stress which causes lack of sleep…and lack of sleep can cause you to store more fat and lack of sleep can cause you to not want to exercise…and the next thing you know M&Ms have become your new best friend….and eating lunch…..actually fixing lunch has become just an endless parade to the fridge and pantry because you really need to get up and stretch your legs….and anything would be better than heading for the washer and dryer to do laundry….
::Glances at her hefty laundry pile that sits in the FOYER::
I yie yie….
Laundry or piece of carrot cake??
Damn carrot cake always wins.
Damn…carrot cake has thrown my adult ADD into a spasm. What were we talking about?
Do I even have carrot cake in this house? NO! DARN!
So….ok – your butt is big..and my butt is big (I feel better dragging you into this with me….), so what do we do? We work at home….we sit at the computer a lot doing our work….what IS the answer?
Well I went searching for butt exercises you can do at your desk…
The first article I find…
“Best Butt Building Exercises and Workouts to Build Bigger Butt”
There is no author to which to give credit to for this article….ummm…or to not give credit to….because honestly….does anyone want a bigger butt??
The first paragraph states: “Skinny with a small butt? Then these best Butt Building Exercises and workouts are designed to build a bigger butt. Crack the bigger butt code now.”
**Crack the bigger butt code now??????????????**
**Crack the bigger butt code now?????????????????**
There’s gotta be a joke in there somewhere…but I’m too floored to learn that some people want a bigger butt. Seriously?
Here….take some of mine! Kinda like donating blood — have a slab of my ass.
Speaking of slabs…..how about a slab of carrot cake? Anyone?
So…on with my search.
Ahhh…..an actual serious video that walks you through a 15 minute work out you can do at your desk!! That’s right…
Easy enough?
I think this is something I can handle. I may not ever crack the bigger butt code (Oh wait, whoopy-doo….I already did that….ya just sit at your desk and eat M&Ms all the time…and don’t forget to never sleep!! Your butt will be huge in no time!).
So ladies….if you’re getting a little ‘cheeky’ and not in a good way….maybe these exercises might help you as well.
My big butt has served me well. It’s allowed me to write web content to my hearts content. BUT…and that’s a big BUT…maybe it’s time to take a look in that three way mirror and attempt some blubber intervention. Or at least consider it.
I have other options of course….
I can run out and get some carrot cake. Nahhhh….
M&Ms?
Or…maybe….
I could set a potted plant on my butt, take a picture and allow my brother, the weird mole-nipple circus freak to gloat? Nahhhh…nope…hell no.
Yes…I think I can do these exercises. And my web content won’t suffer. I will still be able to write glorious content with a smaller fanny.
So my advice for today….my insightful pondering…..my guru like wisdom….
A big J-Lo butt is not needed to work at your home computer…..carrot cake is yummy……and cracking the ‘big butt code’ cannot be a real goal for normal people.
Carry on!
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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Kelly you are too funny! lol
Honestly I think this is all cultural. As a black man of Caribbean descent, I like big butts (Firm Though) and big boobies, etc, etc. lol I don’t think women should look like 12 year old boys with jagged edges and flat every where. I don’t know where that changed with Americans.
People like Marilyn Monroe were very sexy and had curves. That’s the way God made women and it’s just the way I like them and most of the guys in my circle feel as well.
Women have been pumped these images of skinny models as a norm and something that men want. Trust me as someone that worked in the NYC near tons of modeling agencies, those models weren’t given a second look when we all would go to a city park for lunch. Across the board we always respectfully looked at the women with curves. (lol)
Anytime we would see one of those skinny, flat butt models our reaction was always the same. Ill! Go and eat a hamburger. lol
The images we see and women are buying into are being pushed by an industry run by gay men for the most part and not regular average dudes. These men push skinny models down our throats because they tend to look better in all the weird stuff they design.
But the average dude wants women with curves. We may not all want our women to have big jlo booties. But most want a woman with curves. My biggest thing is that everyone needs to try to be fit and firm. Not trying to fit a standard that isn’t normal or attractive.
How are you going to be a woman that is 5’8 and only way 100 pounds. That’s disgusting. Every woman should try to achieve a healthy weight and size that fits their body type and pleases them self. I’m all for being fit but I hate seeing women buy into the nonsense being pumped in the media.
Now that I have a little girl, I’m really going to install in her that having curves is beautiful and natural. I know I’m going to fight an uphill battle but fortunately we have a family structure and friends that feel the same thing and will hopefully reinforce this.
So Kelly you go with your budunkadunka! If you want to firm it up, that’s great. But don’t ever feel bad that God blessed you with a nice bubble butt. I’m sure your husband ain’t complaining. lol
White women love and embrace your curves! LOL
Sorry I had to chime in on this one because I hate seeing ladies feeling bad about this type of stuff as if you don’t have enough to worry about.
Eddy
I kept thinking of the I like big butts song while reading this.
Remember Sir Mix Alot? LMAO!!
They had these girls talking in the beginning of the song about some other girl. “Her butt is SO big!”
Crack me up.
PamTexMex
You have issues. But I’m laughing.
Honestly I think this is all cultural. As a black man of Caribbean descent, I like big butts (Firm Though) and big boobies, etc, etc. lol I don’t think women should look like 12 year old boys with jagged edges and flat every where. I don’t know where that changed with Americans.
Ok this comment was funny! As a black woman I am always at a loss when women talk about their j-lo booties. But I also know it is cultural, my caucasian friends constantly compliment me on my butt, but I also know they would not be caught dead with one! Kim Kardashian was recently heard talking about the fact that she wants to loose her butt (outrage since her boy friend is black and apprently as we have just heard black men ve a bootie blah blah).
I guess my question is do you like it or are you more concerned about what others think?
As one who grew up with a mom that was never home (she had to work), I know that you kids are loving having you at home and well you may not know it today, but I know it, so enjoy, I found running helped with bootie part, so hey….
P.S., loved the post on Home Party Plans : A Small Rant, soooo true! I wish more home party consultants just got it!