WAHMs – You Cannot Get It All Done

Dear WAHM: How Long is Your To-Do List Today?

On the cuffs of my post yesterday regarding my massive migraine attack, I want to talk a little more about working at home and how that can pull you in a million different directions.

When I first started working at home – it was absolutely heaven. I had a 1 year old and a 7 year old, and I was just beginning to seriously delve into growing my website, re-designing it – making it better and better. I could work on my site where and there and still take care of the kids. I could work any hours of the day and night.

Type A WAHMs – Be Warned

The problems started because I am a Type A person. I like my house clean, I like to cook all of our meals, I like everything finished and organized. Maybe a little borderline OCD. LOL Actually maybe a lot OCD. Having the space around me clean and organized keeps me calm. So I can’t help but wonder if it’s not a form of self-soothing. Chaos around me or a mess around me , means my mind will be a mess as well.

So – in my 30′s I seem to be able to keep this pace of little sleep and perfection. But around 40, it all started to unravel. I had climbed my way to the top – put in countless hours and my website was a huge success. MoneyMakingMommy.com was in magazines and newspapers. My traffic was at an all time high of 150,000+ unique visitors a month. With the success came much more responsibility. I incorporated, I had to get an accountant to help me deal with payroll taxes and my returns. I was having to learn more, write more, deal with more advertisers. It became a 50-60 hour a week JOB. Sure success is great – but you have to keep dancing. And you dance faster and faster to keep it all going.

What happens?

You burn out. And when I say burn out…
I mean fried.

Sitting at my computer became an absolute chore. I felt like I had ants in my pants. I did not *want* to spend time writing. Something I had always loved. With all the *other* crap that came with success like accounting, taxes and advertisers – not to mention the constant struggle with SEO to keep traffic high, and keeping a huge site maintained alone….there just wasn’t time to live life and enjoy the creative process of researching and writing. But I kept going.

I went through a stressful move at 43 – pretty much brought me to my knees. At 44 I started just NOT feeling well. I was irritable, tired – just no energy at all. I had danced until I dropped.

I remember sitting in the doctor’s office and him saying….”You’re pre-diabetic, your 12 pounds over weight, your sleep cycle is out of whack…..” and on and on.

I was destroying myself.

I tried to start a big exercise regime – but it only left me more exhausted and feeling more overwhelmed. I was fragile.

I decided to tackle the problem like writing an article. I began research.

I had:

1. Headaches
2. Anxiety
3. Acne
4. Heavy periods
5. Weight gain
6. Sleeplessness
7. Moodiness
8. Foggy thinking
9. No energy at all

I came to the conclusion that I was in serious adrenal fatigue. I bought the book Are You Wired and Tired. I read it cover to cover. Yep…sounds like me.

I bought quality supplements. I started going for little walks with my dog – not 3-4 mile treks that left me feeling like I might faint or have a panic attack.

Crawling my Way back – Literally

At 45 – am I cured? No. Sadly. 2011 has brought huge financial stress for me. We are barely hanging on to our house.
A house that I just moved to less than two years ago. A house that buying and moving to ended up being one of THE most stressful events in my life. The thought of leaving this little cottage that I fought so hard for is…..well, I just can’t go there.

But my success came crashing down with Google Panda/Farmer update in April 2011. Overnight my site lost 70% of it’s traffic. If your business is web based and you rely solely on traffic to make a living – when that traffic isn’t there – it’s not a slow death, it’s instant.

Why was my site affected?? I don’t know?I’ve spent months analyzing it. I removed my forum, my article directory. I took a hatchet to about 100 other pages. I no indexed unimportant pages. I updated all my pages.

The only thing I can think is that my site had been in HTML for 10 years and I moved it to WordPress. The new format might have been the kiss of death. Because I do nothing black hat or weird.

So….
The bad and the good…
The bad – we’re struggling financially and for a few months I was like a demon. I was obsessed with getting those rankings back. I worked around the clock, pushing myself physically….emotionally a wreck.

And then…
Came the migraines. I was still trying to keep my house spotless, my yard perfect….
I was still cooking all the meals and doing all the laundry – and I just gave out.

It was like my body said “no more”. I was sick with a stomach bug in early September but forced myself to go on a Gatlinburg trip anyway for my son’s birthday. Dollywood in 97 degree heat and car travel didn’t help me with my already sick body.

I came home and felt ok enough to get back to work and keep going. Then late September I was hit with a bad cold. Normally a cold doesn’t even phase me. But this one had me in bed – just miserable.

Still getting over this cold. And of course the recent trip to the ER for a migraine that I thought was going to kill me. It was crippling.

So in the wake of all this….
I go back to Are You Wired and Tired. I am re-reading the book and seriously looking at my life. How did working at home become so miserable? So unhealthy? I thought I was the lucky one? Shouldn’t I be so grateful for the life of working at home? Maybe – if I weren’t the boss. I realize I am a terrible boss to myself. I have unreasonable expectations. I am not only hard on myself physically, but I beat myself up when MoneyMakingMommy.com lost it’s rankings. I blamed myself, I blamed the site. I felt less than good enough.

I’m over it.
I will never agree with the powers that be, the gods of search engine results that my site is LESS than. I’ve invested my heart and soul into it, and frankly….it’s superior to much of what you see ranking in my niche. I am proud of what I have created. I created the content, I created this online presence and it’s incredible. I refuse to be bullied by the virtual world.

The Big WAHM Slow Down and Lessons Learned

So – I am made peace with my “job”. I could sell MoneyMakingMommy.com – and just walk away. But I love it too much and I love my visitors and my subscribers. It’s part of me. I’m not ready to walk away. But no longer will it run my life.
I will invest a reasonable amount of time into my site. I want to get back to the creative part of my work. Writing and researching work at home.

I want normal hours. I don’t HAVE to be at this desk all the time. It will never ALL get done. Ever.

I will take the time to nurture my body and mind with gentle exercise, meditation and healthy food.

Ultimately – I didn’t write this article to just drone on and on about Kelly’s poor little life and her problems. The goal was to warn you, it was to open your eyes. I’m a smart, college educated, happily married woman with two kids. I got sucked into this vortex of “getting it all done”. And it’s nearly killed me. I believe that. If I don’t turn a corner here and take my health and happiness back from my “work” — I’ll eventually have a heart attack or end up with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, full blown diabetes….something awful.

Writing a post like this is pure joy for me. I consider it a good day. I was productive over here at HomeBasedBusinessMom.

Now I’ll head over to MoneyMakingMommy.com and do some work. BUT – then the work whistle blows at 4:30, I’m done for the day. I’m walking away. And you know what?? It will all be here tomorrow. And the sky won’t fall if I don’t get everything done today. It’s a process. There is no end-game. I have learned that right here and right now.

So for those of you working at home to wanting to work at home – put yourself first. Not the job, not the kids, not your spouse or the house….or whatever. If you fall apart – you’re no good in any area of your life. You’re not there for the people you love. Not taking care of yourself isn’t being a good role model for your kids either. Self sacrificing is well, just self sacrificing. It isn’t the reward for working yourself to death or mistreating your body.

Type A personality or not – you have to walk away and recharge. I promise, it will catch up with you if you don’t.

And life is looking up. Today I had my coffee out in the sunshine. I didn’t sit here at my desk going through emails and contemplating all the things I need to get done.  I sat and drank my coffee, looked at the mums and pumpkins.
I noticed how the dog’s coat really shimmers in the sun. I watched the cat give itself a bath….
It’s not glamorous….and it cost nothing….there was no stress or deadline involved.
And that’s just the way I wanted it.

Tagged as: work at home stress