Keara Bullock is a freelance writer, blogger and mother.

Once upon a time many years ago I had a brick and mortar “9-5” job.  I worked in the financial sector, which meant I had the joy of calling and talking to people when they were late on loan payments or had overdrawn their checking account.  Sitting at my desk one day, after the 12^th call that day, I thought to myself “If one more person tells me that someone else must have access to their account because they didn’t spend that money I am going to stand up, give the one fingered salute to everyone, and walk out”.  This was breaking point when I realized that the routine of working a brick and mortar job was not for me.

So I began to think about what I could possibly do.  What would be a good career to change to?  How on Earth would I be able to transition?  Then one day while I was goofing off at work attempting to gain some sanity back, I came across a web page about becoming a freelance writer.  I think while I was reading one of those light bulbs came on over my head like in the cartoons.  That was it, I knew then that becoming a freelance writer was what I wanted to do.

Ok, so now what?  I know what I want to do, but how on Earth do I write for a living?  How do I make enough to pay my bills?  How do I manage to work at home and manage time with my husband and children?  All of these questions had my head spinning.  I was scared to death to talk to my husband about this for fear that he would commit me to the local loony bin.  So I decided I would test the waters before I discussed my career change that I was sure he would be sure was due to a mid life crisis or severe PMS.

I done a lot of research, read a lot of forums, and talked to others who had become freelance writers.  I decided to apply with a content mill just to see if I had a tiny minuet ability to write before I quit my job.  I applied and was accepted to several content mills.  So while I was “killing time” at work, I would write articles and submit them to these places.  The article writing process seemed like it would take me for ever to do.  Sure my articles were getting accepted, but at this rate I would be lucky to make $20.00 a week.

I needed a little extra kick to get the process flowing for me.  I got online and found a school grant (http://www.schoolgrantsblog.com/) for working mothers to go back to school.  Terrified since it had been years since I was in school, I jumped on the opportunity.  I got to take a Creative Writing class for free, and to even make it better the class was online.  This was the greatest thing ever.

After I completed the class, I gave writing for content mills a second chance.  Wow, my old brain could function and write a whole lot quicker.  Since now I could write faster, I began applying at a lot more places.  I began to see success in freelance writing, and that was from only giving about 10 hours per week to writing.  Then it happened!  While browsing job boards one day I landed a very lucrative private client!  This was the all time greatest moment of my freelance writing career.  This is what gave me the motivation to get out of my job, and start writing.

Granted freelance writing can be a stressful job, but it is the right job for me.  Working from home is not the cake walk that most think it would be.  True I can work in my pajamas and not shower for days and my clients would never know it, but I also have to manage working with the children and still manage to get my house work done.  I put many more hours a week into working from home than I ever did in a brick and mortar job.  Working from home is not easy, and it requires a lot of discipline, coffee, and the ability to light a fire under your rear end in order to be successful at it.

Keara Bullock is a freelance writer, blogger and mother.
My website link:  http://www.schoolgrantsblog.com/

I know the title of this post seems like a downer. It’s not meant to be. Not really anyway.

I just want to touch on the topic of being a mom and how it kinda forces us to *let go* of who we were pre-kids.

Now before you scream….”Hey….having kids has made me a better person!” And “My life would have no meaning with out my kids….”

Yes – yes – of course. I feel the same way.

But in recent discussions and emails – I have come to find out that many of us, secretly….miss our BK (before kid) selves. Maybe it was the hips without stretch marks we miss. Maybe that sounds trivial, but damn….those were nice, flawless hips. YES – I got a baby out of it. YES….I grew a person inside of me and witnessed the miracle of birth…..
But – seriously…..FLAWLESS – no stretch-marked hips, tummies, boobs?? Doesn’t that deserve at least an “Amen”?

AMEN.

Alrighty then…

For some of us….it might not be the physical attributes we miss…..maybe it’s the time we used to have to ourselves. That doesn’t make us selfish. EVERYONE needs time to themselves. It’s not a crime.

Maybe it was the peace and quiet we miss?

Maybe it was the ability to just walk out the door at a moments notice to catch a movie with a friend. Or even take a weekend trip.

None of these longings for the BK days makes any of us a bad person. We’re human.

I love my kids. No…wait….I LOVE my kids. But with summer break upon me….and the kids out of school and already breathing down my neck….I feel ok with saying…..”I miss me.” Just ever so quietly I whisper…..”I miss you Kelly…..the before you were married and had kids Kelly. You were funny, you were spontaneous, you were young, you were pretty….”

Now…I typed that and then I sat back in my chair….
I read it. And re-read it. I thought….do I sound bitter? Melancholy?

No. I sound like a woman that’s living her life. Looking forward to tomorrow, but reflecting on the past. Isn’t that what makes us the person we are? Isn’t that the JOURNEY of life?

My life is good. I don’t want to be 16 again. I wouldn’t change my past. Not a minute of it. Because you know what….I’m still funny, spontaneous, young and pretty. That person is still
a part of me. She’s the one that laughed until she cried on the couch today with her two kids watching “Adventures in Babysitting” and having a popcorn fight and being farted on by our huge Labrador that wanted in on the fun! She’s the one that decided to hop in the car tonight and go get some ice cream. She’s the one that is ONLY 42, in the prime of her life. She’s the one with wrinkles and some gray hair – but still sees the “beauty” in her uniqueness and her contribution to the world when she looks at her children.

It dawns on me…
These kids…
These very people that take, take, take so much of us – wow…..what they give back, and what they replace in us….
It’s magical. It’s nourishing. It’s fulfilling.

So I guess… what I meant by the title of this post was….our “former selves” are meant to be lonely. It’s ok. We don’t really want to be that person again. That person doesn’t hold a candle to who we are now. But it’s ok to stop a moment and say hello to that “former you” in the shadows of who YOU are today. That person is meant to be missed and acknowledged. How do we learn, grow and discover if we don’t say hello to that person and all they’ve shown us through the years?

And those kids? The ones breathing down our necks this summer??

In their eyes….. and in their memories….the little timeless, ageless snippets of their childhood that they will hold on to forever…..we will always be pretty, young, spontaneous and funny.
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Be sure to share this post or your comments below! I want to know what you’re thinking RIGHT now! – Kelly