Home Based Business Mom

OK….
I’m not going to name names, but my friend (Dana) thinks that by getting to work at home…..
::rolls eyes::
I have it…“easy”!

No….I am not mad at my friend (Dana) – because she’s a school teacher.
A SCHOOL TEACHER.
Now I could….go on and on about how she gets summers off, holidays off, short work days, benefits….blah blah blah.
BUT – if I do that….I bet I’d get hate mail from lots of school teachers that profess to me the long hours, snippy parents, absent parents, bratty kids, snotty sick kids, late hours grading papers and planning, volunteering to
run after school programs and activities, school events…..and on and on and on.

I get it.
I do. I get it.
My kids, of course – perfect.
They never cause their teachers issues….so I don’t contribute to their woes.

But just like moms that work outside the home – working at home is TOUGH. I’m not crying in my 5th cup of coffee here – I’m just being honest. And after 9 years of doing this – I think I can make a comment. I think I can offer up some insight. (Whether you want it or not!) And you’d think my friend (Dana), would have listened to all my bitching over the years to conclude that working at home is NOT easy. Pick your ears instead of your nose Dana! I say that with LOVE. Really….I do. I will stand in front of your house in Iowa with a boom box over my head that plays, “In Your Eyes” and yell…“I love you Dana!!” if you need me to!

Working at home comes with a special array of issues and frustrations. First of all….you’ve got friends that don’t believe you’re “really” working. They think you’re playing office or some weird crap. Like we used to play cash register girl when we were little! I don’t sit here with post-it notes, a calculator and a phone  pretending to work.
Hell no.
I am WORKING.
I’m not playing online mahjong, I’m not staring at Facebook playing Farmville or taking quizzes, I’m not Twittering that I’m on Facebook playing Farmville, I’m not making cutsie little web cam videos, I’m not talking on the phone with girlfriends, my husband or my Mom.
I am W O R K I N G.
I am writing, researching, dealing with advertisers, studying SEO, implementing SEO, maintaining and updating nine websites, bookkeeping….blah blah blah….
On top of that…for years I had kids under my feet while I was doing it. While I was trying to learn HTML, SEO, and everything else. You have no idea the HELL that this is. You are torn, tired and teary.
But once your kids get in school….it almost gets worse. For one….you’re older….and you’re more tired. You’re dealing with your body and face not being so “perky” anymore. You can lose days of work just pondering how much older you’re going to look and how fast that is happening. DAYS!!!

Then there’s all the activities that school age kids are in. School events, homework, sports, dance, girl scouts, boy scouts….you find yourself in the car A LOT. The car has become my sanctuary at times. I read when I’m waiting. It’s the only time I really get to read something that I want to read. I poop at the speed of light…so bathroom reading time….ummm….not really a perk for me. I’m a “poop and run” person.

You also still have laundry, cleaning, cooking, pets, doctor visits…and all that other good stuff that all moms have to do.

Working at home means….never having a real solid block of time to get anything done. You multi-task EVERYTHING. You don’t get to “go to work” and focus on “work”. That just doesn’t happen. I don’t remember when I worked full time in radio anyone ever needing me to change their diaper or crying because someone
hit them in the face with a toy. Yes….we had our fair share of weirdos there….but really…no one crapped their
pants and asked for help. At least….they never asked me….because I would have gone on the air and told everyone about it.

Working at home has it’s pitfalls. Just like any other job. And I don’t get health insuarance or 401K. I don’t get PAID holidays….I don’t get summer’s off like SOME jobs. I do get the perk of flexibilty, not paying daycare and being here if my kids need me. That might just be worth more than health insurance or 401K. Yes…I think it is worth it – at least to me. (My kids will support me in my old age, right??)

It’s tit for tat.
It’s just not easy being a working mom. But thank God it’s women doing the working and momming for the most part. We are fabulous multi-taskers.

But it’s never easy. Not for any of us.
Well…..except for school teachers.

Just teasing (Dana).

Nag..Nag…Naggity…Nag… Not a Language I Wish To Speak – but I have learned to be fluent.
Case in point:

“I am so friggin tired of nagging. If I don’t nag…nothing gets done around here.”

Hey ladies! Heard that line before? Sound familiar? Has something similar ever come from your lips?
You can act coy if you want. You can get all stiff shouldered and shake your head “no” as well.
I won’t believe you.
And I’ll tell you why.
If you’ve got a husband and kids….
You’ve said it. Or you will say it…eventually. I promise.

And I tell you why as well…
Your husband and kids are like super spies. Not even that….they are like little terrorists. They are actually
implementing their torture skills on you daily. They are MASTER game players.

You are naive to it at first. You’re a GOOD mom and a GOOD wife.
You pick things up….you vacuum and dust. You pick up wet towels and dirty clothes. You flush poopies that
didn’t get flushed by the POOPER. You fix meals. And not just frozen french fries and corn dogs. You fix GOOD meals.
Healthy meals. And guess what? You were the one that went to the store and bought the food. You made a list, spent an hour at the store, loaded up the car, brought it home, unloaded it and put it away….
You clean out the fridge.
You get the pets to the vet.
You get the kids to the doc and dentist.
And again….there’s more poopies to be flushed?? Didn’t you ask the POOPER nicely the last time to kindly flush?
And didn’t you ask someone to pick up their dirty clothes after their shower and bring them to the wash? I mean hey….when the clothes are being WASHED AND FOLDED AND PUT AWAY FOR YOU….can’t you at least get them to
washing machine once they’re dirty?
And could someone get the dog fresh water? Is that so hard?
And what about these granola bar wrappers and Popsicle sticks?? The trash can is RIGHT THERE??

And since when does it fall on MOM to change the furnace filter?
Call the mower repair guy?

See….see…
This is what I mean.
Little stinkin’ terrorists! Gamers.

They bring you to the brink with their quiet ways.
They leave little crumbs everywhere….it’s all part of a master plan to make you have a total spaze.
A few dishes left here and there….or just plopped in the sink…
Empty toilet paper roll sits unchanged.
One swig of lemonade left in the gallon pitcher in the fridge. WHY??? WHY???
The madness.

It starts to break you.
It festers in you.

And then….
Voila!
Certifiable MeltDown!

And you scream…
“I am so friggin tired of nagging. If I don’t nag…nothing gets done around here.”

Game Over.

Author: Kelly Land lives in Weaverville, NC ( near Asheville ) with her husband, two kids, two cats and dog.  She owns the popular, award winning work at home website, www.MoneyMakingMommy.com. She loves writing, gardening, playing guitar and seeking out the “real” deal in life – and then pushing her opinion (in a nice way) about it on others….hence, her blog www.HomeBasedBusinessMom.com.

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Dreaming of starting you very own business?

I know the title of this post seems like a downer. It’s not meant to be. Not really anyway.

I just want to touch on the topic of being a mom and how it kinda forces us to *let go* of who we were pre-kids.

Now before you scream….”Hey….having kids has made me a better person!” And “My life would have no meaning with out my kids….”

Yes – yes – of course. I feel the same way.

But in recent discussions and emails – I have come to find out that many of us, secretly….miss our BK (before kid) selves. Maybe it was the hips without stretch marks we miss. Maybe that sounds trivial, but damn….those were nice, flawless hips. YES – I got a baby out of it. YES….I grew a person inside of me and witnessed the miracle of birth…..
But – seriously…..FLAWLESS – no stretch-marked hips, tummies, boobs?? Doesn’t that deserve at least an “Amen”?

AMEN.

Alrighty then…

For some of us….it might not be the physical attributes we miss…..maybe it’s the time we used to have to ourselves. That doesn’t make us selfish. EVERYONE needs time to themselves. It’s not a crime.

Maybe it was the peace and quiet we miss?

Maybe it was the ability to just walk out the door at a moments notice to catch a movie with a friend. Or even take a weekend trip.

None of these longings for the BK days makes any of us a bad person. We’re human.

I love my kids. No…wait….I LOVE my kids. But with summer break upon me….and the kids out of school and already breathing down my neck….I feel ok with saying…..”I miss me.” Just ever so quietly I whisper…..”I miss you Kelly…..the before you were married and had kids Kelly. You were funny, you were spontaneous, you were young, you were pretty….”

Now…I typed that and then I sat back in my chair….
I read it. And re-read it. I thought….do I sound bitter? Melancholy?

No. I sound like a woman that’s living her life. Looking forward to tomorrow, but reflecting on the past. Isn’t that what makes us the person we are? Isn’t that the JOURNEY of life?

My life is good. I don’t want to be 16 again. I wouldn’t change my past. Not a minute of it. Because you know what….I’m still funny, spontaneous, young and pretty. That person is still
a part of me. She’s the one that laughed until she cried on the couch today with her two kids watching “Adventures in Babysitting” and having a popcorn fight and being farted on by our huge Labrador that wanted in on the fun! She’s the one that decided to hop in the car tonight and go get some ice cream. She’s the one that is ONLY 42, in the prime of her life. She’s the one with wrinkles and some gray hair – but still sees the “beauty” in her uniqueness and her contribution to the world when she looks at her children.

It dawns on me…
These kids…
These very people that take, take, take so much of us – wow…..what they give back, and what they replace in us….
It’s magical. It’s nourishing. It’s fulfilling.

So I guess… what I meant by the title of this post was….our “former selves” are meant to be lonely. It’s ok. We don’t really want to be that person again. That person doesn’t hold a candle to who we are now. But it’s ok to stop a moment and say hello to that “former you” in the shadows of who YOU are today. That person is meant to be missed and acknowledged. How do we learn, grow and discover if we don’t say hello to that person and all they’ve shown us through the years?

And those kids? The ones breathing down our necks this summer??

In their eyes….. and in their memories….the little timeless, ageless snippets of their childhood that they will hold on to forever…..we will always be pretty, young, spontaneous and funny.
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Be sure to share this post or your comments below! I want to know what you’re thinking RIGHT now! – Kelly