Home Based Business Mom

OK….
I’m not going to name names, but my friend (Dana) thinks that by getting to work at home…..
::rolls eyes::
I have it…“easy”!

No….I am not mad at my friend (Dana) – because she’s a school teacher.
A SCHOOL TEACHER.
Now I could….go on and on about how she gets summers off, holidays off, short work days, benefits….blah blah blah.
BUT – if I do that….I bet I’d get hate mail from lots of school teachers that profess to me the long hours, snippy parents, absent parents, bratty kids, snotty sick kids, late hours grading papers and planning, volunteering to
run after school programs and activities, school events…..and on and on and on.

I get it.
I do. I get it.
My kids, of course – perfect.
They never cause their teachers issues….so I don’t contribute to their woes.

But just like moms that work outside the home – working at home is TOUGH. I’m not crying in my 5th cup of coffee here – I’m just being honest. And after 9 years of doing this – I think I can make a comment. I think I can offer up some insight. (Whether you want it or not!) And you’d think my friend (Dana), would have listened to all my bitching over the years to conclude that working at home is NOT easy. Pick your ears instead of your nose Dana! I say that with LOVE. Really….I do. I will stand in front of your house in Iowa with a boom box over my head that plays, “In Your Eyes” and yell…“I love you Dana!!” if you need me to!

Working at home comes with a special array of issues and frustrations. First of all….you’ve got friends that don’t believe you’re “really” working. They think you’re playing office or some weird crap. Like we used to play cash register girl when we were little! I don’t sit here with post-it notes, a calculator and a phone  pretending to work.
Hell no.
I am WORKING.
I’m not playing online mahjong, I’m not staring at Facebook playing Farmville or taking quizzes, I’m not Twittering that I’m on Facebook playing Farmville, I’m not making cutsie little web cam videos, I’m not talking on the phone with girlfriends, my husband or my Mom.
I am W O R K I N G.
I am writing, researching, dealing with advertisers, studying SEO, implementing SEO, maintaining and updating nine websites, bookkeeping….blah blah blah….
On top of that…for years I had kids under my feet while I was doing it. While I was trying to learn HTML, SEO, and everything else. You have no idea the HELL that this is. You are torn, tired and teary.
But once your kids get in school….it almost gets worse. For one….you’re older….and you’re more tired. You’re dealing with your body and face not being so “perky” anymore. You can lose days of work just pondering how much older you’re going to look and how fast that is happening. DAYS!!!

Then there’s all the activities that school age kids are in. School events, homework, sports, dance, girl scouts, boy scouts….you find yourself in the car A LOT. The car has become my sanctuary at times. I read when I’m waiting. It’s the only time I really get to read something that I want to read. I poop at the speed of light…so bathroom reading time….ummm….not really a perk for me. I’m a “poop and run” person.

You also still have laundry, cleaning, cooking, pets, doctor visits…and all that other good stuff that all moms have to do.

Working at home means….never having a real solid block of time to get anything done. You multi-task EVERYTHING. You don’t get to “go to work” and focus on “work”. That just doesn’t happen. I don’t remember when I worked full time in radio anyone ever needing me to change their diaper or crying because someone
hit them in the face with a toy. Yes….we had our fair share of weirdos there….but really…no one crapped their
pants and asked for help. At least….they never asked me….because I would have gone on the air and told everyone about it.

Working at home has it’s pitfalls. Just like any other job. And I don’t get health insuarance or 401K. I don’t get PAID holidays….I don’t get summer’s off like SOME jobs. I do get the perk of flexibilty, not paying daycare and being here if my kids need me. That might just be worth more than health insurance or 401K. Yes…I think it is worth it – at least to me. (My kids will support me in my old age, right??)

It’s tit for tat.
It’s just not easy being a working mom. But thank God it’s women doing the working and momming for the most part. We are fabulous multi-taskers.

But it’s never easy. Not for any of us.
Well…..except for school teachers.

Just teasing (Dana).

This is the kind of stress that can kill a mom’s mood for the day.
It’s like a pot that starts out simmering and then comes to a full raging boil….

Life is overwhelming enough on just an average day when you think about it. You throw in an insurmountable amount of tasks in a minimal amount of time – and the only thing that you can do is surrender or try and keep up a pace that will burn you out quicker than a short fuse.

I fall into the latter category…..surrendering is SO hard for me. I become a Tasmanian Devil of sorts with every minute of the clock….whipping myself into a frenzy as my mind races with EVERYTHING that HAS to be done before I walk out the door to get my kids to: “Fill in the Blank”. Camp, lessons, school, party, doctor’s appointment, sports, practice…….the list goes on and on.

And yes…of course…I understand that pre-planning is important. Of course I do. I’m not a total dork. But if you’re a work at home mom….then you know – pre-planning will only get you so far.

Sometimes….like this morning, for me – I had to let my Type A personality take a back seat to surrendering. I yelled at my kids….I forgot things, I was late to where I needed to be and more importantly where the kids needed to be. So….in comes the guilt….

It’s a bad thing – stress. Especially when you have to be somewhere and there are a million things to do before you get there. For a work at home parent….most of the time…all tasks fall on them. It’s just a given that the parent that’s “at home” needs to deal with all the “at home” stuff. You husbands and wives that work outside the home….your spouse at home will eventually go coo coo for cocoa puffs if you don’t step in and try and help. Don’t just ASK if you can help….just HELP!

“I would have done that for you….” Or… “If I knew what to fix for dinner I would have….”
You’re a grown up – come on!

In my hissy this morning….fussing about the house not being clean for a showing (it’s for sale), or the kitty box not being emptied….I hadn’t made the sandwiches yet for the kids to eat after swimming lessons….my son couldn’t find his swimming trunks, there was laundry to fold thrown on the couch…
OH we could be here all day with crap to be done at my house – probably your house too…..
I just had a meltdown. I hate meltdowns.

But as I sit here…rehashing the morning in my mind…I don’t feel stressed anymore….but just mad. Mad at myself for lashing out. For not seeing through the mess and knowing what is really important. I hurt my kids’ feelings….I made them feel “less” over something silly. In the grand scheme of things…none of it really mattered. If the house wasn’t clean for a showing…who cares? Are they buying the house, or grading me on my cleaning skills? And the Buyers looking at my house….how clean did they leave their current residence for that day?? No one is perfect….and I guess that’s the point of this blog post.

When you’re trying to do it all….and on top of that – trying to do it all within a small window of time…
You’ve got to just stop and breathe. The madness you feel is of your own will. You have the power to stop the train wreck of stress.

It’s not easy. Lordy…I do know that. I’m a powerhouse on a mission when it comes to my house, yard….being on time. I’ve got a strong work ethic – I believe in following through. But sometimes…for my own good…I need to take frickin’ chill pill. (Not literally mind you!) But I need to just sloooow down – remind myself that no one will die if the petunias don’t get deadheaded today!

If  I don’t…well…

My anger….my stress….I pass that on to my kids. I pass on my style of handling stress to them. Do I want them to be that yelling, frothing at the mouth, witch that I was this morning? OH no….no no no. The very thought….horrible.

So today…sitting outside with my laptop – watching my kids swim at the county pool…I vow to try and “let it go” when it all feels like it’s crushing me. That crushing feeling tells me that I need to step back – I need to re-evaluate. Too much…is simply too much – that applies to even the simplest of things… food, shopping…anything really.

I need to give myself a break sometimes….
And I bet you do too. Being your own boss….and being a parent….that is a whole lotta-whole lotta, ya know? Don’t let anyone ever make you feel less because you “work at home” or you’re a “stay at home parent”. People that make comments that make you feel small – they have no idea – feel sorry for them.

This moment is a whole new moment. Don’t wait until tomorrow….set the wheels of change in motion RIGHT NOW. Simply take a deep breath. It’s OK. Relax those tense shoulders and neck. Lean back…stretch. Walk away from the laptop or computer you’re at right now.

I mean it…right now!

Trust me….I’m taking a break with you. We’ll be better parents because of it. And in the end….we’ve not let “stress” knock the wind out of our sails – because by walking away….and taking  a break….it has no power over us anymore.

Author: Kelly Land lives in Weaverville, NC with her husband, two kids, two cats and dog.  She owns the popular, award winning work at home website, www.MoneyMakingMommy.com. She loves writing, gardening, playing guitar and seeking out the “real” deal in life – and then pushing her opinion (in a nice way) about it on others….hence, her blog www.HomeBasedBusinessMom.com.