I know the title of this post seems like a downer. It’s not meant to be. Not really anyway.

I just want to touch on the topic of being a mom and how it kinda forces us to *let go* of who we were pre-kids.

Now before you scream….”Hey….having kids has made me a better person!” And “My life would have no meaning with out my kids….”

Yes – yes – of course. I feel the same way.

But in recent discussions and emails – I have come to find out that many of us, secretly….miss our BK (before kid) selves. Maybe it was the hips without stretch marks we miss. Maybe that sounds trivial, but damn….those were nice, flawless hips. YES – I got a baby out of it. YES….I grew a person inside of me and witnessed the miracle of birth…..
But – seriously…..FLAWLESS – no stretch-marked hips, tummies, boobs?? Doesn’t that deserve at least an “Amen”?

AMEN.

Alrighty then…

For some of us….it might not be the physical attributes we miss…..maybe it’s the time we used to have to ourselves. That doesn’t make us selfish. EVERYONE needs time to themselves. It’s not a crime.

Maybe it was the peace and quiet we miss?

Maybe it was the ability to just walk out the door at a moments notice to catch a movie with a friend. Or even take a weekend trip.

None of these longings for the BK days makes any of us a bad person. We’re human.

I love my kids. No…wait….I LOVE my kids. But with summer break upon me….and the kids out of school and already breathing down my neck….I feel ok with saying…..”I miss me.” Just ever so quietly I whisper…..”I miss you Kelly…..the before you were married and had kids Kelly. You were funny, you were spontaneous, you were young, you were pretty….”

Now…I typed that and then I sat back in my chair….
I read it. And re-read it. I thought….do I sound bitter? Melancholy?

No. I sound like a woman that’s living her life. Looking forward to tomorrow, but reflecting on the past. Isn’t that what makes us the person we are? Isn’t that the JOURNEY of life?

My life is good. I don’t want to be 16 again. I wouldn’t change my past. Not a minute of it. Because you know what….I’m still funny, spontaneous, young and pretty. That person is still
a part of me. She’s the one that laughed until she cried on the couch today with her two kids watching “Adventures in Babysitting” and having a popcorn fight and being farted on by our huge Labrador that wanted in on the fun! She’s the one that decided to hop in the car tonight and go get some ice cream. She’s the one that is ONLY 42, in the prime of her life. She’s the one with wrinkles and some gray hair – but still sees the “beauty” in her uniqueness and her contribution to the world when she looks at her children.

It dawns on me…
These kids…
These very people that take, take, take so much of us – wow…..what they give back, and what they replace in us….
It’s magical. It’s nourishing. It’s fulfilling.

So I guess… what I meant by the title of this post was….our “former selves” are meant to be lonely. It’s ok. We don’t really want to be that person again. That person doesn’t hold a candle to who we are now. But it’s ok to stop a moment and say hello to that “former you” in the shadows of who YOU are today. That person is meant to be missed and acknowledged. How do we learn, grow and discover if we don’t say hello to that person and all they’ve shown us through the years?

And those kids? The ones breathing down our necks this summer??

In their eyes….. and in their memories….the little timeless, ageless snippets of their childhood that they will hold on to forever…..we will always be pretty, young, spontaneous and funny.
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Be sure to share this post or your comments below! I want to know what you’re thinking RIGHT now! – Kelly